Golf ball ads

So it's Springtime, and all the golf ball manufacturers are tempting us to get back out on the course and try their new wares out, and to do so, they come up with THESE ingenious marketing campaigns:

1) Slazenger's new ad for the RAW golf ball featuring Steve Whatshisname from "The Sopranos" and a black panther named "Scratch" in a meat locker. (Apparently these ads have been out since January 4, but I only saw it for the first time last week...)
2) Top-Flite's new D2 line of golf balls, where they constantly tell you to "man up" and use the new dimple-in-dimple technology so you don't have to lay up any longer...

My response? What are these marketing people THINKING???

1) First of all - with the Slazenger ad - if this guy is so good, why is he back buying more golf balls "already"? Did he knock them out of round, or are they lost in the woods?
Neither is a very attractive option, and neither is having bloody balls at the end of the round, er commercial... I WILL give them credit for naming the Slazenger panther "Scratch"(which is clever), but the blood spattered ball at the end of the commercial just doesn't do it for me...sorry....is that supposed to APPEAL to men? I can't imagine it appealing to women....

2) In a similar testosterone-soaked light, does Top-Flite think that ordering me to "man up" will threaten my supposedly fragile male ego? Will using their golf balls give me newfound confidence that I have been missing up to this point? (Are we selling golf equipment, or E.D. treatments? But I digress...)

It's kinda funny - if you enlarge the image - they are OBVIOUSLY taking the macho-man marketing approach with phrases like "ATTACK THE FAIRWAYS", "SEIZE THE GREENS", "NO EXCUSES", "DISTANCE - FIRE AWAY" all over the box...(curious, no mention of "PILLAGE THE VILLAGE" or "MEN WILL FEAR YOU AND WOMEN WILL WANT YOU") and each box CONVENIENTLY comes with 15 balls in it, so you have a whole EXTRA sleeve of balls to shank out of bounds in your pursuit of that elusive 300 yard bomb off the tee!!! Check out the knuckle-dragging details at www.theballstogoforit.com - no girls allowed, though...{eyes rolling}, (oh, and if you're at work, turn DOWN your sound so your colleagues won't overhear the junior-high locker-room commentary, courtesy of Kenny Mayne....Kenny, Kenny, Kenny....there's even a "Wussipedia" section...)

Are they KIDDING?

While I've been writing this, I switched over to the Infomercial, er GOLF CHANNEL, and have been giggling at the two-bar putter commercial...I only have ONE question after seeing THIS marketing gem - Was the "Iron Archie" putting machine set up exactly the same way for the competition and the two-bar putter? Or, was the competition set up so that the point of impact was slightly back in the impact zone, thereby causing the ball to bounce and skid??? Nah, they wouldn't do that to us, would they??? More infomercials, er, programming like THIS and they're gonna have to change the channel's name to THE COMEDY CHANNEL...oh, yeah, that one's already taken...

AM/PM matches - Accenture Match Play Final Round

Opening comment: Who can suck worse??? (I may have to eat my words - Stenson's ice-water has thawed considerably this morning....stay tuned...)

Follow up comment: I just realized - I'm mad at Henrik Stenson - he USED to be a Callaway staff player, and he bailed for Srixon...SRIXON, Stenson??? C'mon... (although my man has now gone TWO up on Ogilvy on the 17th hole, AND the Golf Channel has COMPLETELY lost their audio feed ....time for MORE commercials....ugh....now we're closing out with the studio crew trying to fill in...an inglorious end to the Golf Channel's weekend coverage....can't wait to see them get excoriated (now THERE's a good Scrabble word for ya...) on the other golf blogs and columns)

Wonder if a desert rat chewed through a cable or something???)

On a personal note - it just started DRIZZLING here, which is COMPLETELY screwing up my plans to mow and edge the lawn today....over the last week or so, the lawns and trees have been showing signs of springtime life...time to resume regular lawn maintenance....

Off we go to the NBC coverage at 11AM....(no, I'm not just watching the golf, I'm also working on our tax return...currently, I'm gutting my way through the investment income section...then I need to go feed the cats at Mom's place, and install three TartanGolfGrips.com golf grips - two putters and one full-swing for my wife...Cheri's keeping her Nebraska Cornhuskers putter grip, but she wants a TartanGolfGrips.com approach wedge, which I'm doing up in a Culloden tartan for her because it's mostly PURPLE...what the heck, let me go copy it (shown at right), so you can see what I'm talking about...

Update two: 12;45 PM PST - So, this match is getting more EXCITING, huh??? (C'mon Henrik - my cred's at stake here....)

Big time thanks to those of you that have e-mailed me to ask about the OTHER two Artans...to keep peace in the family, I've enclosed copies of them below. The "SCOTT" Artan is being made up for Cheri's brother, ALSO named Scott, who lives down in Tennessee...it incorporates the FLETCHER tartan along with Scott's name, and I'm installing it on a Never Compromise center shafted mallet putter as a belated birthday present for Scott (2/12)...

The OTHER one is one that I'm installing on ANOTHER Never Compromise putter for ME (there's going to be another one going up FOR SALE with your choice of Artan design during the 1st Anniversary "Tartan Day" sale that we're planning over at TartanGolfGrips.com in about a month, so now THAT cat's outta the bag...)


2:00 PM PST - I think the pressure that the media's put on Ogilvy is starting to get to him, as he's just launched his second or third shot in a row into the gap between the bleachers on the 31st hole....Stenson's putting from three point range, and he snuggied it up to within a yard of the hole....Ogilvy's putting from the collar - 20 FEET- NO SWEAT - that was CLUTCH, Geoff....(tip 'o the hat to ya, Mate!)
Now Stenson's mettle is tested from two feet, and THEY HALVE #13....it'll be interesting to see how they handle the last five holes....

Cheri and I played 36 in a row once, and the last few holes were NOT FUN.....your hands hurt...your back hurts.....your HAIR hurts....you get the picture.... More to come down below (See Monday content)....

2:13 PM PST - Why I love golf (Vol 723) - Henrik Stenson's thumbs-up to Geoff Ogilvy's SECOND clutch putt in a row on #14 is just ANOTHER reason why I'm hooked on golf...
Mr. Ogilvy is beginning to exhibit that Tiger-toughness mentality that makes him a force in match play....
For what it's worth, the sun's been out for about an hour and a half, and I'm TOTALLY procrastinating by staying indoors, screwing around with the tax prep, sending e-mails about some upcoming Tartan Day activities and celebrations and collaborating on the promotional grip that I'm designing for D'Rae Ward... it's gonna look SWEET - she's decided to go for it with her design, so I've gotta get busy....

2:32 PM PST - Obviously Johnny Miller was paying attention in Physiology class...but we don't need to hear every single muscle involved in Henrik Stenson's drive on 17....BTW, that was a classy move on Geoff's part in conceding the awesome shot Henrik made on 16....

2:42 PM PST - Stenson wins!!! I called it right.....THAT was exciting!!! Two classy guys...now I've got two more guys to watch and support on the Tour....

MONDAY, Feb. 26, 2007.... Follow-up to "More to come" from up above: It's nice to know that we're not the only ones that think that 36 consecutive holes of golf is akin to the Bataan Death March - this from Henrik Stenson's post-round press conference:

RODDY WILLIAMS [Moderator]: Henrik, only the second European to have won the WGC- Accenture Match Play. Pretty exhausting day. Tell us how you feel right now.

HENRIK STENSON: Tell me about it. It's been a long week and a good week for me, and now I'm just exhausted. I don't know what's up and down and back and forth, really.It's been such a long day and such a hard day, and I'm just delighted to come out on top. I was struggling big time with my game and especially in the second round here when we started and didn't feel comfortable neither off the tee or with the putts.Somehow I managed to fight my way through the round and keep -- not letting Geoff [Ogilvy] run away with it, and then all of a sudden turned around and finished with some good birdies. {snip}

Q.: When you're talking about being exhausted are you talking about being mentally exhausted? STENSON: Everything. It's everything. Playing -- see, I don't know how many rounds, seven rounds in five days? I mean, feet are aching, head is aching, wallet is aching.
Q.: Too heavy?
STENSON: (Laughing) but just to play that much golf in five days, I had a lot of tight matches. I mean, probably everybody had the same. I mean, Geoff was tired, as well. I know how much he would have liked to defend his title.Obviously he's devastated with that. I'm happy with the way I managed to play the last couple of holes there. {snip}

Q.: Do you think the format is maybe a round of golf too far?
STENSON: I don't know, it feels like it right now. No, I think it's a good thing with a 36-hole final still though, because you really need to -- 18 holes might be a little bit more decided over bounds, but I think on 36 holes it probably in the end gives you the one that fought the hardest and so on.

Q.: Are you more emotionally drained now than you were after the Ryder Cup?
STENSON: I don't know. I mean, normally it hits you a day or two later. I don't think it's going to be too much happening tomorrow or on Tuesday. But yeah, I don't remember when I was this tired. I'm too tired to be happy almost (laughter). {snip}

Q.: When you talk about struggling with your own swing, is there any consolation looking over at Geoff and realizing that he's going through some battles, as well, with it?
STENSON: Well, I mean, we weren't playing great in the afternoon. But I think, as well, a hard and tiring week like this one, it just wears you down. Every day, every round just wears you down a little bit. In the end you've got nothing left in the tank, and still, I managed to find some on the back nine today. But it's really hard, and we made some silly mistakes, both of us, and sharing holes with bogeys and making bogeys from the middle of the fairway and stuff. I think that's sort of mainly down to us being really exhausted.

Q.: What was the tougher tournament to win, a really strong field 72 holes at Dubai, or beating six guys this week?
STENSON: I'm much more tired now for sure, much more.

Q.: Which was harder to win do you think?
STENSON: Can't we have any easy questions at this time of the day (laughter)? I'll go for this one. Q.: Physical?
STENSON: And also down to it's only one shot at the wrong or right time and you're knocked out. Obviously in a stroke play you can come back a little bit easier if you end up in trouble somewhere.

And then, to dispel the stereotype that the Swedes are a stoic, humorless lot:

Q.: How do you say match play champion in Swedish?
STENSON: Match play champion (laughter).

Good job, Henrik - I think you won over quite a few fans with this performance...I think the comment I liked the most was on one of last night's retrospectives where they likened the final match to two prizefighters slugging it out...the lead changed hands quite a few times, and all in all, it was an exciting weekend's worth of golf....I thoroughly enjoyed watching it - even if it WAS Tiger-less....

Random musings on CA commercial

I'm sitting here preparing FedEx shipping documents for a few TartanGolfGrips.com orders that are shipping out today, and watching the Golf Channel's coverage of the Accenture Match Play Tournament....

Those CA commercials came on where Retief Goosen and David Howell are shown driving a triplex mower or raking a bunker, respectively, and the older Scottish greens superintendent comes running out at them and exasperatedly says something to the effect of "You don't have to do THAT, THAT'S Sean's job!", and the camera pans towards "Sean" for an inordinately long period of time...leering....leaning on the handle of a sand-trap rake...shifting from one foot to the other...gaze unwavering...goofy grin on his face......gripping the handle of the rake and the towel suggestively, opening and closing his grip on them like Sergio Garcia did to his clubs in his heyday....almost menacingly....


Does anyone ELSE out there find "Sean" kinda SPOOKY looking??? It's just the way that "Sean" looks at Retief andDavid that just CREEPS me out...I THINK it's supposed to be a long, ADMIRING look from their talent and skill on the golf course, but the timing, actions and look on the actor's face makes it looks more like an axe-murderer's psychotic gaze instead....or is it something else altogether??? (Like, is "Sean" wired for DC or something???)

Hmmmmmmm.....thoughts, anybody???

Saturday at Pebble Beach....

After a 22 minute delay (snark sighting), CBS' coverage of the Saturday hijinks was pretty solid; not too much mugging for the cameras, and some solid golf from the celebrities. Bill Murray's approach shot on # 15 comes to mind...

The highlight/feature reel that they showed at 2:32 into the telecast was slick, and got me to thinking - does anyone know if they put together an annual highlights reel of this event? To show the action that does NOT make it to the television coverage? There is SO much going on, at SO many courses that I think it would be a great moneymaker if done right with a cool soundtrack...the courses are so pretty, and I'm pretty sure that all the amateurs would want a copy, and the golf junkies out there that want a souvenir to get their golf fix....(business opportunity, anyone???)

Congratulations to the amateurs who made the Sunday playoff, most notably Tom Dreesen, Teddy Forstmann (of Forstmann, Little & Co.), Peter Ueberroth, Harris Barton and Andy Garcia.

Seeing the amateurs play has inspired me to add a new section to TartanGolfGrips.com, which I am about to begin developing...

After a day filled with howling wind that closed out with a heavy rainshower, tomorrow's final round is rumored to be played in the sunshine....we'll be there from 9:00AM onwards, watching it on the PGATour.com "http://www.pgatour.com/livegolf/, which is VERY, VERY cool....

This article says it all....

This article by John Maginnes summarizes exactly how I feel about Pebble Beach...we have been fortunate to head up to Monterey (we drove up 101, which added immeasurably to the overall experience by the way) with our main playing partners Margaret and Steve back in the summer of 2004...

I, too, look forward to my NEXT trip back...some of the holes (like 11-15ish) are relatively unspectacular), but the stretch from 4-10, and 16-18 are like nothing I've ever experienced on a golf course since....

I will be GLUED to the television this weekend, which is good because the rains are supposed to be coming, and it'll be a good excuse to get the tax returns prepared, and some stuff done around the house, since we won't be tempted to go out and PLAY in the rain....(I'm a fair-weather, SoCal/spoiled golfer - I admit it....)

Pebble Beach Pro-Am pairing information, plus amateur handicaps

I spent some time tonight poring over the pairing sheets at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am site, and found the following pairing information, with the amateur's handicap:

PRO AMATEUR HCP COMMENTS

Michael Bradley Thomas Gibson 6 Star of "Criminal Minds"

Corey Pavin Craig T. Nelson 6 Star of "Coach" and "The Incredibles"

Vijay Singh Teddy Forstmann 7 Founding partner of Forstmann, Little & Co.

Jason Gore Carson Daly 8 {FUN GROUP!} Late night talk show host

Pat Perez Kelly Slater 3 (!) World champion surfer

Jeff Overton Clay Walker 8 Country music singer

Kevin Stadler Glenn Frey 15 Founding member of the Eagles

Paul Stankowski Andy Garcia 12 Actor - Academy Award nominee

Jesper Parnevik George Lopez 14 Comedian and host of the Bob Hope
Chrysler Classic
Rory Sabbatini Peter Gallagher 11 Actor - "The O.C." and "Sex, Lies and Videotape"

D.J. Trahan Kevin Costner 14 Actor/Director/Dapper Golfer

Dean Wilson Don Cheadle 17 Actor

Scott Simpson Bill Murray 14 Actor/Director/"Carl Spackler" in Caddyshack

Bobby Clampett Kevin James 18 Comedian/TV Actor (Emmy nominated)

Scott Gutschewski Ray Romano 16 Comedian/Emmy-award winning actor

Chris DiMarco Emmitt Smith 13 Former Dallas Cowboys running back/awesome
dancer/Former U. of Florida running back

Billy Andrade Tom Brady 8 New England Patriots quarterback

Todd Hamilton Michael Bolton 10 Singer (Kinda look alike, don't you think???)

Peter Jacobson Huey Lewis 10 Singer

Steve Elkington Chris O'Donnell 7 Actor - Grey's Anatomy(TV), Batman movie series

Rocco Mediate Scott McNealy 2 Chairman, Sun Microsystems and super nice
guy and GREAT golfer***...

J.P. Hayes Joe Gransden 9 Jazz trumpeter and vocalist

Brett Bingham Rick Rosen 3 Endeavor agency founding partner/Carson Daly's
agent

Bubba Dickerson Roger Cleveland 8 Chief golf club designer, Callaway Golf

Larry Mize Angelo Mozilo 17 Chairman of the Board/CEO, Countrywide Finan.

Len Mattiace Alan Mulally 10 President/CEO, Ford Motor Company

David Duval Tony Forstmann 6 Forstmann/Leff Investment Banker

Matt Kuchar David Dorman 8 CEO, AT&T

Paul Gow Louis Gerstner, Jr. 18 Retired CEO, IBM

Jose Maria Olazabal Peter Ueberroth 15 USOC Chairman, former MLB Commissioner,'84
Olympics Organizer
Tom Watson Michael Watson 6 Father/Son

Bryce Molder Charles Schwab 10 CEO, Charles Schwab stock brokerage

David Frost Stone Phillips 13 Journalist/Anchorman

Greg Owen Harris Barton 12 S.F. 49'ers retired offensive lineman

J.J. Henry Chris Berman 18 ESPN Anchorman

K.J. Choi Kenny G 0 {SCRATCH GOLFER} Smooth Jazz Musician
{K..J. and K.G.}{!!!}

Troy Matteson Jerry Yang 10 Yahoo! Co-Founder

Jeff Brehaut Bob Griese 10 Sportscaster, and Pro Football Hall of Fame QB

Mark Wilson Danny Sullivan 15 Former Indy 500 driver{?}

John Daly Darius Rucker 12 Musician - "Hootie and the Blowfish"

Robert Gamez Tom Dreesen 6 Entertainer {Super nice guy!}***

Kevin Sutherland Bill Gross 11 CEO, Idealab

Kent Jones Frank Quattrone 12 Former CSFB investment banker {ahem}

Michael Putnam Walter Driver, Jr. 2 USGA President {M. Putnam is a Pepperdine U.
graduate/star...GO WAVES!!!!}

Chris Riley Tom Siebel 13 Former CEO and founder, Siebel Systems (now
part of Oracle Corp., current CEO of First
Virtual Group

Phil Mickelson Harry You 18 CEO of BearingPoint

*** I met these gentleman at the 2005 John Elway Celebrity Classic Golf Tournament when I was their standard bearer. ***

Link here to the results from Day 1...

Missing PGA Tour Sunday on USA Network

We'll make this one short and sweet...check out this blog posting from Michael Collins, erstwhile caddy/comedian from the dearly beloved and sorely missed PGA Tour Sunday on USA Network... wished I was there in person...

Day off, and....

We played 14 holes at Sunset Hills on Monday, and we had the place to ourselves.

Why you ask, especially on Martin Luther King's birthday, when so many people have the day off?

Because it was COLD, that's why!!! BITTERLY cold for Southern California...in fact, we've had rather bad frost damage to many of the plants in the back yard....Southern California has been in the grips of some record-setting cold weather for the past few days and nights, and the temperature in the Thousand Oaks area has dipped into the high 20's and low 30's for the last three nights, and the cold north winds were blowing 20-30mph throughout the day today...

I bundled up in three layers of a mock turtleneck, polo shirt and my Longs Drugs Challenge Anitigua golf jacket and headed out to do battle with the course and the elements, and you know what? Thanks to the world's best golf ball (IMO), the Callaway HX Tour coupled with my new Heavenwood 4H hybrid, I managed to post a 43 (8 over) for the front nine...

For some reason, I found the sand repeatedly, but managed to make some MIRACULOUS sand saves with that magic HX Tour ball, where it popped out of the sand, checked up like it was sticking to Velcro, and stopped right by the pin for a relatively easy putt...

HX Tour's cost a bit more, but based upon today's round, I might be trading up from the HX Hot to play the HX Tour for its better spin characteristics around the green...I've been practicing a more descending stroke at the range in an attempt to get the ball to check up more, and I think that the practice is beginning to pay dividends...but the ball didn't hurt the efforts either...

And, also had an unscheduled detour yesterday...the plan was to play in the Guys'N'Dolls tournament that teed off at noon at Sunset Hills CC, but I just HAPPENED to stumble across GolfChannel.com and checked out the new Golf Inventor reality show link, and Holy SHMOKES, they had open auditions for Los Angeles yesterday!!! I had submitted my application back around Halloween, and gotten an e-mail confirmation back, but somehow I fell through the cracks, and wasn't notified of yesterday's open auditions at the LAX Hilton Hotel.

Coincidentally, that LAX Hilton Hotel was my second-ever audit client when it first opened, and I knew where everything was...it was weird returning to a place that I spent SO many long days auditing way back when I was in an internship program at Cal State Northridge...

The auditions were from 8AM to 8PM, and they had opened the doors for registration at 7AM...seeing as I stumbled across the announcement at 9:30AM, and had to complete a rather lengthy application, get ready and travel to the LAX area, I checked in at 12:50PM and was assigned #96...and they were on #58 when I got my number. I had my 5 minute audition about 5:30PM, and I had taken in three putters with TartanGolfGrips.com grips on them as part of my audition. From what I could tell, most of the inventions were more technical or training oriented than my product, but the auditioner who greeted me instinctively blurted out "Those are COOL grips!" when he saw them, which was EXACTLY the reaction that I always hope for...

We'll see how the audition process goes, but there were at least 98 people who showed up in Los Angeles, and they're having auditions in Orlando, Dallas, Chicago and one or two other cities...and it appears that there's NO shortage of golf junkies who have designed "the next big thing" and want to introduce it to the world in the new reality series on the Golf Channel.

It just didn't feel like Sunday...

Without PGA Tour Sunday on USA Network...

I always liked the blend of "hard" and "soft" news, where they mixed PGA Tour and LPGA Tour news and developments with human interest stories and "golf life" stories...

I hope that Golf Channel (better not mess up the brand), picks up the exact same team, or one like it, because it really became a part of my Sunday ritual, especially since we got a TiVo machine...

I'm REALLY gonna be bummed when the AT&T Pebble Beach comes around, because they did a great job reporting on all the celebrity goings on and the human interest stories...

Anyone else going through PGA Tour Sunday withdrawal???

On a happier note, tomorrow is "Volunteer Day I" and we're playing Sherwood Country Club for FREE, as compensation for volunteering at the recent Target World Championship. It's a super-cool bonus, and my goal this year is to play the entire round with the same sleeve of balls, score notwithstanding...we'll see how that plays out...

I'll take my camera and do some posting tomorrow...

Wandering Golfer goes Wild...

For those of you who want that "Field of Dreams" experience on the golf course - you're in luck...

Well, you're in luck if your cable package includes the Fine Living channel, and the "Wandering Golfer" series.

Tune in (or program those TiVo's) on Monday, December 4, 2006 at 6:00 PM (Pacific) when the "Wandering Golfer" takes you to pastoral Gothenburg, Nebraska and the beautiful and FUN TO PLAY Wild Horse Golf Club. That's right - you can have your own "Field of Dreams" experience on the golf course, and you don't EVEN have to leave the comfort of your couch!

I got to play nine holes at Wild Horse Golf Club over the Fourth of July weekend this past summer, and I'm kicking myself that I didn't stick around to play the back nine, because I had more FUN on this beautiful golf course that has been hewn out of the Nebraska cornfields than I have had on many others that cost much more to play! Wild Horse is literally surrounded by cornfields on three sides, and you have to take a nondescript road out of Gothenburg (population 3,619 (2000 census)) about three miles to an even MORE nondesript DIRT road that leads you to Wild Horse. On more than one occasion, A.P. (my father-in-law) and I thought we were on the wrong road and almost turned back to get our bearings, but we followed the instructions that we'd been given, and eventually we got there...

You can tell when more people are coming to the course to play by the plume of dust that their car/truck kicks up on the dirt road!

Once you've parked your car in the parking lot, however, you're in for a TREAT!!! Wild Horse is one of the new breed of "minimalist" courses, where the golf course architects (Dave Axland and Dan Proctor) worked with the existing topography to release the course from the original layout of the land, and did a phenomenal job!

Wild Horse is ranked #21 in the United States according to the Golfweek rankings of courses built since 1960. Check out the hole by hole online course tour before you visit this "Field of Dreams" on the "Wandering Golfer" December 4 edition.

For those of you who care about such matters, Gothenburg was FORMERLY known as the hometown of former Dallas Cowboy Pro-Bowl tight end Jay Novacek, who's got this latest business venture going. And I thought that Nebraska was just flat and boring - the country in central and western Nebraska is GORGEOUS! Check it out!

So THIS is what heaven is like...

I just got some of the best news I have ever gotten....

Time Warner Cable has taken over our Adelphia cable provider here, and they have rejiggered the channel lineup as of November 14, 2006...

The Golf Channel is now channel 78, which means I no longer have to go downstairs to watch it on the digital cable box...

I am now watching 'The Shark Encounter" with Greg Norman on the office TV upstairs, one of my favorite all-time golfers ever, and the guy I wanted to BE when I took up golf for the second time in my life in my 20's...(that will make another post later)

Between CNBC on 48, and now The Golf Channel on 78 - I may need to remind myself to go downstairs to eat...