Day 3 and 4 - Target World Challenge

OK, without further ado, I've procrastinated enough, and it's time to let the story be told - Saturday was a WILD day at the Target World Challenge, and it wasn't just the WEATHER that was wild...

First of all, the weather forecast was for rain to move in after 3PM, so all of the volunteers figured that we had it made...we'd get our day in by 2PM-ish, and be outta there and safely home to watch the day's action on TiVo by the time the liquid sunshine started falling.....WRONGGGGG!!!

We were chomping on our doughnuts (The KrispyKreme's were SORELY missed this year, by the way...the master developer for Southern California and KrispyKreme Korporate are both having difficulties, and many of the KrispyKreme outlets are now vacant...and therefore, we had "traditional" doughnuts this year...hmphhhh....) at about 9AM when the first exploratory raindrops began to dance on the roof of the big white volunteer tent...

By 9:15, they weren't just dancing, they were doing the CHARLESTON, and the bulky, yellow 'Target' ponchos were being distributed...

Fortunately, I had gotten to Sherwood Country Club EARLY that day (to beat the weekend traffic), and had time enough to catch the shuttle DOWN to the parking lot, grab my large MicroStrategy umbrella, and make it back to the volunteer base of operations by splashdown time...

By the time we got out to #6, the rain was coming down quite steadily, the wind was picking up, and it was turning into a raw, cold morning...

All the players were significantly shorter off the tee on Saturday morning, and Colin Montgomerie was the one player who corkscrewed his drive left into the base of the hill that I was working past the crossover...

Now it's important to mention that I and my partner on the left fairway had agreed that we were going to run a tight ship on the spectators that use the cart path above the sixth fairway, while they make their way down to the large viewing area at the green...ESPECIALLY for Colin Montgomerie, who prefers the quiet of a library when taking his shot...even though birds chirp, dogs bark, people shuffle and the wind blows outside on a golf course...nevertheless, we were bound and determined to provide him with the peace and tranquility of a diamond-cutter's studio to the best of our abilities...at least that was our INTENT...

People don't realize that the noise from their footsteps and casual conversations TOTALLY funnel down the hills into the fairways, and the players can hear it all...trust me, I've been down on the course with the players as a standard bearer and walking scorer, and YOU HEAR IT down there!!!

So here we are...the wind is blowing hard...people want to get out of the open areas and under the trees where there's a bit more shelter, and people want to leapfrog the pairings ahead of Tiger so they can see Tiger play through...and Colin's group was ahead of Tiger's on Saturday, and so were Tiger's fans...and Colin's ball was BURIED in the deep-shtuff at the bottom of the hill alongside the left side of fairway #6...

You could barely see the top of the ball, and the grass was long, wild and WET from the rain...as I watched the ball settle comfortably into its little grass nest at the bottom of the hill, I scampered down the wet hillside, umbrella in hand - pointed into the wind, which was howling up the fairway from the tee to the green.

When I got to the ball, I looked for Roy, my partner to coordinate our crowd control efforts. He had stayed up by the cart path to direct traffic, while I scampered down to the ball to point it out to Mr. Montgomerie. When I got down there, I looked up the fairway to check his line into the green...not a prayer, as he hadn't hit it far enough to clear a crown in the fairway, and his line to the pin was blocked by an overhanging oak tree that guards the left side of the green...I assessed the situation, and determined that he had to take his medicine, and lay up to within 100 yards on the right side of the fairway and improve his shot into the pin to take a par and move on...to make matters WORSE, the ball was a good 4-6 inches below where his feet would be on the hillside, making a blocked shot to the right quite possible, given that lie....

"Monty" purposefully strode up to where I was standing, that ever-present pained expression on his face. I had been tempted to offer a pleasant comment about the weather being a taste of "home" (Scotland), but when I saw his dour expression, I simply pointed out the position of ball in the salad, and started to scamper back up the hill, to my position near the crossover.

To my HORROR, "Monty" evidently made a quick assessment of the situation, and possibly out of frustration with the outcome of his drive, waited for his caddy to appear with the bag, extracted his weapon of choice, and with one swift, smooth, fluid move went RIGHT INTO HIS STANCE and TOOK HIS SWING!!! (He DOES have a BEAUTIFUL swing, by the way...)

No practice swing to gauge the depth of the shtuff, no deliberations with his caddy, NOTHING - just STRAIGHT INTO HIS SWING!!!!

Roy's view of the goings-on was blocked by his umbrella and the natural vegetation on the hillside between the cart path and the ball's location at the base of the hillside. Worse, a large group of spectators was moving towards him, many talking loudly about the weather and all moving quickly to get to the next stand of trees that would provide them with protection from the rain and wind, which was growing in intensity by the moment.

At the VERY instant of the beginning of "Monty's" hatily executed downswing, the crowd surged forward on the cart path and Roy LOUDLY called out "Stand, please!", in an effort to create a quiet environment for "Monty" to work his magic...the ball squirted out of the salad, to the right, but probably to within 125 yards into the flagstick...altogether NOT a bad shot, given the lousy weather conditions, and that the ball was just a fleck of white surrounded by a tangle of long, swirly grass stalks that OBVIOUSLY hadn't been mowed in a week and a half...maybe more...

"Monty" was VISIBLY upset at the sound that had been uttered right at the start of his downswing, and he WHEELED to stare at the SCOUNDREL who had DARED utter that SOUND during his swing...

Realizing that he had just inadvertently done EXACTLY the opposite of what we had agreed to do for Mr. Montgomerie, Roy started down the hill, visibly shaken, stuttering an apology for his inadvertent transgression. At THAT exact moment, a large gust of wind WRENCHED Roy's umbrella from his grasp, and it cartwheeled crazily down the hillside, headed RIGHT for Mr. Montgomerie, who continued to stand at the bottom of the hill, GLARING up the hill, his gaze BURNING holes into Roy with laser-like intensity...incinerating his victim with his visual death-rays (death-Roys???). FORTUNATELY, the golf tiki prevented the wayward umbrella from careening down the hill INTO Mr. Montgomerie, but it stopped close enough to him that it fueled his fire for ANOTHER five to ten seconds, which felt like minutes for me AND Roy...

"Monty" finally exacted his punishment on his victim, and stalked off, muttering under his breath, and angrily swinging his club at the damp earth, while he walked to his ball, now resting safely on the right side of the fairway, about 125-135 yards out from the pin...

I don't know for sure, because I had to talk Roy out of committing Hara-kiri right there on the hillside, but he was distraught for the remainder of the day...heck, he was still self-flaggelating on SUNDAY morning...but I THINK that, to his credit, "Monty" salvaged par on the hole.

I told him that if this had been baseball, "Monty" would have committed a "quick-pitch", and Roy's action was well-intentioned, and he had not committed an intentional action intended to interfere with "Monty's" shot...his view was impeded by the natural hillside vegetation, and the crowd surged upon him in an attempt to get out of the deteriorating weather conditions...and "Monty" had taken his shot MUCH more quickly than one would expect, especially given his lousy lie...

Needless to say, "Monty" reported Roy through whatever channels exist to report such matters, and the volunteer chairman approached me when we were working #15 in the afternoon to get my report on what transpired. After hearing my explanation, the complaint was basically dismissed as one of "Monty's" hissy-fits...it's kind of sad, but "Monty's" proclivity to complain about EVERY little noise, motion or perceived slight on the course works against him, and REAL complaints get lost in all the noise from the perceived slights....

That was it for the on-course fireworks for us for the weekend...everything else was pretty routine. I got on television from a distance on #15 on Saturday, and I'm the bright white spot on the back hillside because I was wearing a long-sleeved white turtleneck under my black volunteer polo shirt...

The other big news was that I shared the Heinz ketchup bottle with Wayne Gretzky at the snack stand outside #15 on Sunday afternoon. I put the bottle down, and Wayne reached out to intercept it from me as I was putting it down...he was wearing a free Grey Goose Vodka baseball hat and I immediately recognized him from seeing him around town....

One of the volunteers that I've worked with for the last five years or so used to work at the same CPA firm that I started my career with, and he's now a VP with Countrywide Financial Corporation. Dave and I requested the early January volunteer "play date", and we're playing with Jan from 21st Century Insurance.

I'll take pictures next week during our round, and post our day's experience at that time....my goal THIS year is to play the round with the same SLEEVE of balls that I start with, and hopefully to break 100... Sherwood is a beautiful, UNFORGIVING course with smallish, potato-chip greens that have roller-coaster breaks that make it difficult to score well on...it REALLY makes you appreciate the pros ability when they end up SO far below par, and they play from the TIPS, while we mere mortals play from the WHITE tees...